when will i learn to separate feelings and work.. it certainly is not good to mix feelings and work. i think that’s what god is trying to teach me.

so i talked to kuya r and he asked what i wanted for my pay rate bc the chef mentioned “for the pay rate she asked, she should know everything and how to do the cucumber with only using the knife” and here i thought he was nice.. but then again it’s just business… i know what i’m worth and so i placed my foot down. and i was disheartened because the initial pay he offered me was the pay with no experience… i have experience..

i’m proud of myself for standing up. i had mixed feelings at the job, to be honest, my heart was not in that place. i’m glad i said something and did not put me in a situation where i screwed myself. i also learned to say no.

i really have to think about myself now.

I’m in my early thirties and I still feel so fucking lost. I got my degree but here I am feeling so out of place. I feel so underprepared in life. I’ve been been contemplating about what my center is but I still can’t find it. I just found out that there are people out there who do not mean what they say. I guess I am perceiving the world in a different way than the guy who fucking stole my heart and broke it. I still live with my parents. I don’t know how to drive. I feel hopeless.